health care england

This is my first blog.

Well where to start? 

Perhaps a bit more about me.

I am 15 years old and I have a self Harmer for the last 2 years. I've also recently diagnosed was depressive with bipolarity Finally I know what I bin.Ein manic.

Here's my story so far...

It started after a very rough patch with my parents, I started when I clicked 7 war...und finally at News Year Eve 2007 / 08.

The new year began with my beloved parents makes me a few meters from you, after you again about nothing a fight. Bloody typical.

I was all alone in a strange place to hate my life and my parents hate stranded. Of course, the problems with my parents were not the only fire, life at school had become unbearable. I knew that something happen, had to change my life, I could not go on living like this.

So when I came back to school I found out, via Self'bank the idea sound from a friend and damage well how it could work. So I started it, I can now remember the first cut.Especially in the bones on my right wrist.It hurt like hell, but I found out I loved it. Unfortunately started then searches.

My cut was secretly then and gradually got worse and worse, finally just out of control. Then began only to make even better things, the voice in my head then in conversation with me, then me, that one day, the day brings my breakdown call day, the day that I completely you reserves verloren.stellen, a young girl sitting on the floor in the school shouting and screaming fear out of my life.Teachers who run wines had friends nobody a clue what was wrong.I had to tell you. Then everyone found out March 2008 was. Of course after that day, everyone was careful to me, but not reduce the cutting or my feelings besser.Mein teachers and parents decided that something should be done to help me.

So I started then advice.

I have had advice for the past two years, to try and all my emotional problems.I had it from March 2008 to June 2009 and ended only after my fourteenth birthday as and then both myself and my advisers I felt okay, well okay enough, was to stand on its own two feet.

Thosetwo were highs and deep years constantly more cut and less cut more fights and less fighting.Things were great sometimes, but sometimes terrible.Unfortunately subsided but the problem I went to advice for primarily nie.Ich was infact constantly cut.

On the up side of this last year I had one of the best years that alright I per hatte.Gute friends, family and best friend in the world to happiness an amazing year.

Unfortunately I ruined everything.My friends all extremely close to my friend at the time was (can call it E.G) and blunt I cheated the on him, not once twice but thrice. I know what you think about what a total slag!And I know war.Wer I know what the hell was I thinking I know even jetzt.Nach still the first time he found I cheated, everything was relatively okay.After the second time he found out I had betrayed him again, I lost him as my friend, I lost my "best friend" (can call your a.b.) and attempting suicide in the toilets can say as you happy Halloween.After the third time I lost the last few friends I narrow as it my had involved bestest friend of all (can call your business districts) and well it outright, completely lost my mind.

Make to lose two of the most important people in your life, then realized your mistakes vary but then something that you done have if you were a bad person back comes and everything somehow had managed you ruins, to store the other incident.

It was one of the worst times in my life and I am still trying to get over that.It was occurred only a month ago when the third incident itself and I still cry about it.

See all together all still friends and have one thing in common, a huge raging hatred for me.

Some news.

This last month I have with started last year in the school year 11, hard to close friends and a terrible reputation.I've started consulting again after the suicide attempt and my cut.But this time not just about my cut and alleged friends treat my moods, but I especially think me and others around me.I do it because I'm afraid hurt people, I again love you really not not verdient.Ich'm a bad person, and I need to change.

The next few months will be so hard, and I've already so viel.Ich have only strongly to keep, but then most people here would probably understand how easy that is but just how hard it is to actually do.

I am currently struggling, and I feel more alone than ever zuvor.Niemand understands and it doesnt weh.Ich feel numb.Deaf, inside and außen.schneiden sets me free of charge.

I cut two sides to mir.Eine page who wants and to stop another page that desperate will.Eigentlich I suspect two sides alles.Ich thats just my Manic Depression.Es kills mich.Ich struggles again with me and my Gefühle.Ich don't know what more tun.Ich miss my old Counsellor, I miss the old days where everything was better and easier.

I bedauere.Ich verletzt.Ich Miss so I learned viel.Aber.

The last 2-3 I constantly have depressed weeks but then I had an episode of mania, not complete this last weekend but only hypo Manie.Leider was today I go up and down very quickly and well at the moment I am only deaf, feel nichts.Ich feel down, and I know that today evening will be awful.

Sorry, that is my first post so long, I wanted to get my story completely, said.

And I think that's all for today.

Love you all.

Peace to you all.

Keep smiling auf.Auch if only fake one like mine.<3>

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