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Saturday, 20 August 2011
"Recently one of my parts my therapist (T) wrote a letter it ask for help, but wanted to express, were you unable to speak directly into the sessions so far." Another part: an angry, scary part (I haven't decided what name you on my blog yet) then tried to destroy the letter. It was recovered from yet another of my parts, mature, attentive part (who we 'Observers' call), who wrote a letter to T, then explained a few things about the whole "parts" situation and problems we encountered trying T which help us to trust. We were very nervous as all this with t. to go down would we did not know if perhaps we would be rebuked this to do. Growing up in an environment where each seemingly small or insignificant, what I did or the wrong thing and have scary consequences, makes me always ensure I'm doing something completely out of order without noticing. There is also the fear of being accused of these things make up. And then there is the fear of the person that just unaware it was as important a thing for me, you write. But we have a good reaction. T said it was very brave of us, there to you. In the letter, the mature part asked T T asked me about the pictures at the next session questions about the pictures.So (I had every week for months takes was but had not trust if T want to see not to mention: that would be a big blow for someone so fragile) and I showed you to it. The images were originally on to be a project that I decided to try to know my parts after first consciously parts is supposed to work. I set up a task paper express try to each change that I am aware. I allows one page per age and tried the pictures/drawings/colors/shapes/words/nothing else use to visually represent person.The child parts but loved this activity and I found kind of acquisition with him. The 'one page per age', what worked really: little C as I found several pages with images ranging from cut outs magazine, make pictures Christmas collages! Finally the child parts worked on two projects: one which 'like' and the dislikes or as they called it: "Things I dont like and things that feel me badly". Some of the images 'Dislike' are hard for me to consider. Some of the pictures a different child part scribbled had. Some, although not from a child part firmly scribbled had to be sealed or be covered for safety, so that pieces of map about you to keys or envelopes to the images in hide make plug. This felt safer somehow.So I it to T, sat and saw the flaps, among all the fully opened the envelope bits of torn paper of small images. She talked about what you saw. Some of the pictures had labels, and she was reading. I felt my get very upset to stop me angry child part that talk and look at the pictures on your cries want stop. Another part was feeling some other unpleasant feelings and my body was physically respond. To me, all sitting shell in silence, you would stop talking about what you saw and wish I could disappear. I think I was in and out of the room and drive. I could hear it in the background, but I tried not to: "I don't like buttons...." Maggots.... asking things to do, I don't want to do... "This looks like a bathroom..." but I was not really there more. I heard you say: "This tells a story" and give something about it a lot of "Information". I woke up in the middle of the night with everything buzzing round in my head. There were so Los talk (there is always talk goes but sometimes it gets louder and more annoying or argumentative or annoying). Someone was really concerned. Reminded "The words tells a story" and "Information" and you were screaming at me: "what you say you?" What have you done? What information? "What was in the pictures?"  I don't think that you really for answers when searching on reflection have. I think, had fallen in panic. We have our lives with the motto which lived: trust no one, because everyone is the down arrow or hurting you. We learn that lesson at a young age to scream for help for adults who do not want what going see was so ignored the shouts and the other way.Sometimes looked up if it is too much in my head, I get a pen and paper and write the story, how it goes on. This helps people to get your opinion; It helps me to know what's going on, but it can be a really bad thing. Sometimes, if a means to bring given that usually is not available, can be to see things begin to get that very disturbing on paper. If interested in maybe I some story in this blog, could make, if this is something, want to read? I know I tried to see Googling if someone blogging has tried their internal calls, but I haven't been able to find all. I have to think more about this is definitely to do OK but if you want to read it let me know (often it is not pretty though.) (Must be this blog rules language or content?)As well, that's enough for now, I'm sure that your eyes will become tired if not your brain after reading all this!


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